My ED story

A smile doesn’t always mean happy.

One thing I know from my eating disorder recovery journey is to not stay silent. I hid in silence for a long time and I know many others who have and are currently doing the same. I hope by sharing my story I can provide courage and hope to give you the voice you need to speak louder than the ED one.

My eating disorder played a significant role in my life. For 15 years I struggled with an eating disorder, depression, anxiety, over exercising, and digestive issues. And during that time I tried it all. Some things worked for a short while but nothing ever seemed to last.

I was beginning to feel like I was doomed for life.

I still managed to function at life, find love, put on a smile when needed, and truly appear normal to the people closest to me. But inside I was screaming.

Those years struggling were filled with a lot of darkness, and I truly don’t wish that upon anyone. But that darkness showed me there was light.

And I am very grateful to be able to share hope, inspiration, courage, and support to others embarking on their recovery journey.

HERE ARE MY EATING DISORDER RECOVERY POSTS:
Why you find comfort in your eating disorder
The Power of Control
When Fitness Becomes an Obsession

The thing is, recovery is not a destination. It doesn’t happen overnight, your insecurities and self-doubt are not magically going to disappear, and the pain won’t simply cease to exist. Because recovery is a journey.

A journey that is completely worth the hard work, the pain, the challenges, the laughs, the cries, and everything in between. But don’t try to do it alone. That is the one thing I wish I would have listened to.

I was too proud, felt I wasn’t sick enough, and afraid of what might lie on the other side.

Letting go of my eating disorder was the hardest part. My ED was my identity. It was my friend, lover, and confidant. I felt safe, heard, and assumed I was in control.

So letting go of that sense of familiarity with something I had grown close to for 15 years was hard. It felt like I lost a piece of myself. But in reality I finally found ME again.

My recovery journey took longer than I wanted or expected it to, but I am so thrilled and honored to be able to share my story and help others find peace like I did.

If you would like to learn more about working with me, apply to become a coaching client HERE.

I also would love to hear from you, and want you to know I am here to help in anyway! You can email me at katie@joyfulbeets.com directly or join my private Facebook community: Eat Freely.

Perfectly Flawed

The body is beautiful
Every imperfection is love
Every roll, wrinkle, blemish has its own story
Every flaw has lived its own journey
My body is my canvas
My canvas is misshapen by my mind
My mind is misshapen by my need for perfection
Why does perfection consume me?
Why do I look away in the mirror?
Why do I scream inside?
Why do I cover up with fancy clothes?
Why do I paint happiness on my face?
Why don’t I stand up straight?
Why don’t I embrace my imperfections?
My every roll, wrinkle, and blemish
Why do I struggle to see the beauty that is me?
Today that changes
Today I stare into the mirror
Today I smile inside
Today I stand up straight
Today I paint with color
Love is the beauty within
Within I am whole
Within I am pure
My struggles don’t consume me
My struggles lift me
My flaws don’t define me
My actions define me
I act with grace and tenacity
I dance with passion
I sing with joy
I live in harmony
I am beautiful
I am courageous
I am brave
I am perfectly flawed.

~Katie Tewes